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Cunning, Baffling, & Powerful

July 6, 2018

 

The disease of addiction is everything those words are:

->Cunning- skill employed in a shrewd or sly manner, as in deceiving.

->Baffling- to confuse, bewilder, or complex.

->Powerful- of great power or influence.

 

Every time someone dies in the world of addiction, I feel like I just got slapped in the face. It’s not that I get overly sad, or depressed about the loss, but I do wonder, why them and not me? Who up there is pulling the strings back up of those who get to stay here on earth, and who is deciding which of us are going to be the ones cut loose.  

And why do some people make it out of relapses and others don’t see another day..?  Yes, I’m a believer in God. 

I believe He truly has a plan for us from day one. But I feel like addiction fucks up all those plans. 

 

It’s cunning. It’s baffling. It’s powerful.

 

You see, I think the reason I feel so terrible whenever someone dies from addiction is because I am that person. However, life has presented me with different scenarios and I have made better decisions when tempted to be defeated by drugs or liquor BUT it could have easily gone the other direction.

 

I mean, how many times have you made the wrong decision despite your better judgement? 

How many times have you had too many sweets and ended up feeling sick from sugar? 

How many times have you turned around because you thought that maybe you left the garage door open but knew you didn’t?

Addiction is that. We don’t go into a relapse thinking that we won’t live to see the end result.  Just like we chance not getting a bellyache from the sweets. Just like returning home to prove ourselves correct: that we did in fact shut the garage door. 

 

In addiction our brain is on a mission of its’ own accord for instant gratification.  Death and loss are so prevalent in the addiction world.  Although there's a large number of us, the amount of us living to see the days of recovery is quite small in comparison to witnessing the defeat.  I pray that the death of a relapse is fast and that he or she go quickly. I pray that they don’t lie there thinking “oh fuck, I don't want to die".  

 

I'm at loss for words.

 

It’s cunning. It’s baffling. It’s powerful.

 

R.I.P. 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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