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The Art of Comparison

June 12, 2018

 

I’ve seen a few shares on comparing yourself to other people lately and it’s allowed me to dig deep into self work, and figure out where my need to compare comes from.

You see, comparing myself to others is a thief.  As an adult, and especially as a mom, I know that I can’t compare my children. They are SO different in so many ways.  Comparing each of my children to one another robs the joy of each one’s milestones and achievements. Therefore I don’t (or try not to), at least not with a negative connotation around it.  

So, if I don’t do this with my children, then why do it do it to myself?  Why is it that with achievement, it isn’t an achievement in my eyes? Instead, it’s a comparison to something or someone in reference to what I haven’t achieved yet. 

 

For example, I finished all my master’s program classes. Instead of being super proud of myself for doing that, while raising two children, my mind warped it into “I’m not done yet, I still have my hours”.

 

In high school, my two best friends were drop dead gorgeous, the whole shebang. This was always an internal struggle for me. In comparison to them, I was the fat, ugly friend. I came third in the line up of choices. At least in my head. 

Those thoughts robbed me of opportunities to embrace me for all I was and all I could be, and doing drugs and alcohol made me not have to feel third. Sometimes, I still get caught up in that thinking. With stupid crap like: I want my Instagram account to look pretty like that! Or, “she JUST had a baby and had lost all that weight, and here I am 12 months PP, trying to fake this embrace I have for my new body”.

 

Comparison is dangerous, and I’m careful in my wording with my kiddos. It’s not easy to navigate.  I started doing affirmations with Hawk, on his belly (his choice) and oils. We have been saying, “I am loved. I am unique. I am perfectly imperfect”. Now, his English sounds nothing like that, haha, but he thinks he’s saying what I am when he repeats it. I also started doing these to myself and it’s actually helping! I don’t do it on my belly, but I do it behind my ears with white Angelica that helps me shield negativity. Negativity from my own self-degrading thoughts. 

 

I don’t know the science behind affirmations. I know we are taught to tell patients that this works. Being in recovery myself, I was always too cool to try.  Now that I’m a counselor, I kind of like to practice the stuff I preach so I thought- why not? On this journey to becoming my authentic self, this has really helped. 

 

If you’re struggling with self-worth, google an affirmation, or throw together your own. Try it for thirty days! I’d be curious to know what changes for you!

 

And try and shut those comparative thoughts OFF! They suck. They’re not productive. And start embracing YOU!!

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